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Monday, October 23, 2017
I just checked the weather report and it's going to rain today 100%!!!!  I am elated.  :)
It is Monday.  I am tired.  But, I have a good day ahead of me, I'm sure.

Self Care.


I need to put sleep first.  The weekends are often difficult for me.  Which i kind of sad.  I haven't been the mom I want to be.  I don't know if it is my new situation.....with me being a single parent.  I don't know if having a 2 and 4 year old is a challenge that would have brought this out of me anyways.

I think the right question, however, is not "why" but "how."

I am challenged.  This is a fact.  HOW am I going to deal with it?  Am I going to be "honest open and willing?"  Am I going to use this opportunity to grow as a person and take the help of my higher power.  Let go and let God?

Right now, I feel a little worried. So, I'm just going to do my gratitude, get some tea and get ready for work.  I have confidence that today will truly be lovely.  A lot of good things to look forward to!

Quick Gratitude
1) bells!!
2) a green and gold chair for my apartment (I lucked out!!)
3) painted pumpkins
4) my daughters' giggles
5) sound...................
The concept of “God as we understood Him” was hard to grasp. My family believed there is only one way to view God. My parents used religion to keep me in line. I believed we went to the only true church. There was a list of do’s and don’ts. I was afraid of God, viewing Him as a severe judge just waiting to punish me.
By the end of my first meeting, I was impressed with the acceptance I felt. There was no gossip or criticism. People were friendly even though they had differing opinions and beliefs. No one tried to change others by telling them what to think or how to feel. In Al-Anon I felt for the first time as if I could be myself. I could relax and let a Higher Power of my understanding evolve.
I realized the God of my parents had come in a very small box, not expansive enough for me. I fired that God and hired a new one. My new Higher Power is much bigger than the old one. He doesn’t live in a box. He lives in me and in those around me. He loves me, cares for me, and accepts me just as I am – a work of art in progress. He is a God who wants the best for everyone. My Higher Power can trun tragedy into something positive, because out of my difficult childhood has come a God I no long fear, but treasure.
Thought for the Day
Does my concept of God fit the new, recovering me?
“In Al-Anon, we can come to understand the nature pf a Power greater than ourselves in a personal, profound way and many of us have been amazed at the difference this understand makes in our lives.” As We Understood…., p. 71
When the alcoholic I loved got sober I was sure that the nightmare was over! But without the tranquilizing effect of alcohol, she became verbally abusive. She accused, attacked, insulted, and I always defended myself. It seemed crucial that she understand. But that didn’t happen, no matter how much I argued, pleaded, or insulted in return. I felt trapped and hopeless.
Sobriety brings change, but it doesn’t always take away all the problems. Al-Anon helps me learn that I don’t have to accept the unacceptable, nor do I have to argue back or convince another person that I’m innocent or right. I can begin to recognize when I am dealing with alcoholism’s insanity, and I can detach. I certainly don’t have to respond by doubting myself.
Today’s Reminder
When cruel words fly from the mouth of another person, drunk or sober, Al-Anon helps me remember that I have choices. Perhaps I can say the Serenity Prayer to myself, or refuse to discuss the topic any further. i can listen without taking the words personally; I can leave the room, change the subject, make an Al-Anon call, or explore other alternatives. My sponsor can help me to discover options that seem right for me.
“We may never have the choices we would have if we were writing the script, but we always have choices.“ . . . In All Our Affairs
Sometimes, it is good to examine a commonplace familiar phrase, meditate on it, take it apart and explore its inner meaning.
We hear someone say, “He is standing in his own light.” How clearly the picture emerges of our shadowing our own happiness by mistaken thinking .Let us stand aside so the light can shine on us and on all we do, so we can see ourselves and our circumstances with true clarity.
If we have Al-Anon, there is no need to stand in our own light and try to solve our problems in darkness. The ways and means that Al-Anon offers have lighted the way for so many thousands of despairing people that no one can question their power.
When I am faced with a problem that seems impossible to solve, when I feel trapped in a situation and can see no way out, let me ask myself whether I am standing in my own light. I must find the vantage point where I can most clearly see my difficulty as it is; then, answers will come.
“…and the light shall shine in the dark places and make all clear as day.”

I was not familiar with this phrase and really really like it.  It goes with "let go and let God for me." 
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
The guidance embodied in the Serenity Prayer was a foreign concept when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting. I soon realized it must be important because every meeting I attended since has used it as part of the opening. Applying it to my recovery seemed a worthwhile endeavor.
In the Serenity Prayer I ask my Higher Power to grant me "wisdom to know the difference" between the "things I cannot change" and the "things I can." Before Al-Anon I was unable to distinguish between the two. In fact, I think I had them absolutely backwards, often struggling to manage events that were beyond my ability to influence, let alone control. Such behavior usually led to mental, physical, and emotional fatigue as well as feelings of depression, failure, and worthlessness. These feelings became familiar as I matured in my alcoholic family, and I grudgingly came to accept them as normal.
Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I know I'm powerless over alcohol and alcoholic behavior. I know I'm a valuable, worthwhile person whose struggles resulted from the seemingly senseless events in my life. My illusion of control helped me survive, but I don't need it now.
Although uncomfortable feelings and the urge to rule crop up occasionally, I remind myself that this is part of my disease and that feelings aren't facts. I admit my powerlessness once again and turn my unhealthy reactions over to my Higher Power. Not only can He manage my life better than I can, He can also restore me to sanity.
Thought for the Day
When I take the hands off the controls and "Let Go and Let God," my life runs smoothly, and I feel serene.
"Let Go and Let God, He sees the world true, Rely on Him, and you'll never be blue . . ." Alateen Talks Back on Slogans , p. 15

I had forgotten about feelings aren't facts.  That is a great one!!
As we pursue recovery, we may encounter opportunities to deepen learning we began long ago. Perhaps we once learned to detach form a particular problem. Now, months or years later, when we once again need to detach, it can feel as if we’ve forgotten everything we knew. It’s important to remember at such moments that, although the feelings may be the same, WE are not the same.
My recovery matters. All of the experience, strength, and hope I have accumulated is within me today, guiding my choices. I may not recognize it right now, but I have made progress, and I continue to make progress with every step I take. Perhaps I am learning something I have learned before; I must need to know it more deeply. I may go through the process this time with greater awareness, or turn to my Higher Power more quickly and easily, or reach out to an Al-Anon friend without hesitation.
Today’s Reminder
Instead of assuming that I have failed because I am learning a difficult lesson once more, I might embrace the experience as part of a long-term healing process that requires repetition and practice. I can trust that eventually I will learn it so well that it will become an automatic, confident, and healthy response.
“The human mind always makes progress, but it is a progress in spirals. “ Madame de Stael

I like that last quote!!