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Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Happy Birthday Me!!  I am so jazzed that it's my Birthday and I'm excited to be 30 too.  Lots of positive emotions for me.  Also a lovely time that I am typing.  I am up early enough that the sky is white/bluish beyond the mountainscape.  Very nice!  This is all thanks to my sweet L, who likes to wake up early.

Sooooo................... last night, I wasn't good to myself.  So many thoughts in my head, wasn't even close to falling asleep.  I ended up compulsively eating and staying up late.  As sad as I am to admit it, cheese is a trigger food.  And apples.  Buying those two together, just is not a wise move.  I found myself wanting to use the same logic that Hubby uses with alcohol, "I wanted to treat myself" or "it is my Birthday."  When, of course, it is not treating yourself, at all.  And through the guilt, didn't even taste that great.  I knew this while I thought it.  To imagine, I used to think only he had the addictions.  Mine may not be as destructive as his, but I have quite a few things I do to avoid "feeling."

Anyways.... today is a new day and a beautiful day!  It is the first Wednesday that J doesn't have gymnastics and I'm going to try not feel guilty about that.  It also promises to be a day filled with adventure and warm weather.  We are likely going to the dentist, library, Pinkberry (for a free bday treat), Al Anon for me, then swim for J.  I invited a few friends to go out for dessert with me after work.  I love dessert and friends.  I'm also ecstatic to be in my 30s.  I think it completely fits.  I don't feel like a 20 year old anymore.

Quote for the Day
Standing with my arms extended and turning in a full circle give me a visual marker of the extent of my responsibility. If it doesn't come into my space, I leave it alone. 

Slogan for the Day: Expectations are planned resentments, Let it begin with me, Do the next best thing

Considering that it's a Birthday and a big one, I will have to struggle against not feeling disappointment in Oscar for not doing anything.  I think I will do pretty well because I have a wonderful day planned.  I will be busy and focusing on me.  I know I don't control him.  I love Birthdays and really am just so grateful to have had this 30 years.

Gratitude List
1) Grateful for 30 incredible years - woo hoo!
2) Grateful for dentists
3) Grateful for health care
4) Grateful for joy and love
5) Grateful for L's little voice and the cuteness she exudes when shaking toys.