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Monday, July 25, 2016
Woo hoo, Day 1 again for eating plan!  I'm at 144, so only a couple pounds over where I left off.  I am ok with my weight right now, but compulsive eating is no fun.  You are hiding your emotions in food and it's not healthy physically or emotionally.  Anyways........... hopefully today will be Day 2.

Yesterday was fantastic!  Considering the day before was my worst program day in a long long time........... I'm just so glad that we as a family can take it one day at a time.

Hubby was in cleaning mode.  He was tired and not really connecting, but I was in happy Mama mode and we had a great day.  The girls are always perfect.  They are bundles of joy that make lots of poop, pee, vomit and feel every emotion at 150%.  We get sooo much discovery, laughter and joy in them.  They are always busy.  Busy or sleeping.  It is an honor and a pleasure to raise them.

Anyways............. Hubby and I fooled around physically for the first time in who knows how long.  There was no pressure there at all, which was really nice and I was wearing my onesie pajamas, which are very helpful in keeping things from going too far, haha.  Chastity belt, anyone?  I felt respected and positive physical contact is just so helpful in feeling like a married couple.  Earlier in the day, I had been googling "how to fall in love with your spouse again" and thinking of googling "how to help your spouse fall in love with you again."  Hubby was just not being "himself."  He has changed.  With bipolar disorder and anxiety and well, mental illness, he has moods that he didn't used to have.  I don't know how to relate to him through them.  I am sometimes callous, because they scare me.  He is not my dependable hubby and it's a very different caretaker role then someone who is physically sick......Add on that fact that he was probably a sex addict before all this and has cheated on me with multiple women........and we haven't done the therapy work together (only individually).  Ugh, I'm going on a big tangent.  But, we love each other, we are committed to each other, but I have been concerned for our marriage that we are not doing work to reconnect as husband and wife.  I think it's been about a year and and a quarter since I found out and a year and a quarter since we've had sex.  I got myself a lot of help.  I got myself tested, did multiple groups, did therapy with a CSAT for awhile.  It was all very good and helpful.  But, my marriage is broken and I'd love to restore it.  We don't act "in love" like we used to, or more like neither of us are fully satisfied and that's not an awesome position to be in.

ANYWAYS.... yesterday was a step forward.  It was healthy sexual interaction, good day for eating.  We are completely poor today, but know that's not going to last for too long and it is just a beautiful beautiful day.

J's first swim lesson today.  OT Gym, maybe we will try to get a nature walk in before it gets too hot or maybe I will just stay home and pick up (probably the latter).

Quote for they Day
When we continue to nag and domineer, complain and criticize, we are assuming, in large measure, the responsibility for deferred sobriety and for slips from sobriety.
Al-Anon show us how to change these destructive attitudes. As we abandon the role of accuser, judge and manager, the home climate shows marked improvement. A pleasant, cheerful environment, which we can create, often creates in the alcoholic a desire to get sober.

Slogans: One day at a time, Do the next best thing

Gratitude:
1) Local public pool (it's AMAZING!)
2) Swim lessons we can actually afford
3) A positive attitude
4) Physical health for everyone in my family (Hubby has been running about 5 miles a day, it is inspiring me to get some runs in to)
5) 12 step group recovery groups

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