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Thursday, August 18, 2016
Al anon slogan: Take your own inventory - Not someone else's

- I heard this at a speaker's meeting awhile back.  It made a lot of sense to me!  Lately, whenever I start to think about something I don't like that someone else is doing, I remind myself to take my own inventory.

Professionally, I've been doing a lot of work on growth mindset.  The idea is that we retrain the way our brain works.  The more we build up a pathway (by practicing a certain technique), the more automatic the technique becomes.  Same thing with Awareness, Acceptance, Action.  When we are aware and we act, we are changing how we work.  At first, it will feel awkward, but eventually it will be automatic.

Great video on "growing your mind" by Khan Academy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtKJrB5rOKs

Quote/Passage 1
Some of us had a long list of grievances against the alcoholic, especially while the drinking was still active. the worst possible thing we can do is to remember them, dwell on them, and polish up our halos of martyrdom. The very best we can do is to erase them from memory, so each new day becomes an opportunity to make things better.
It is not my assignment to keep an inventory of my spouse's faults and misbehaviors. My task is to watch for my own and root them out, so that what I say and do will help to make things better for me and for my family.
Today's Reminder
Storing up grievances is more than a waste of time; it's a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a record of oppressions and indignities, I am restoring them to painful reality.
I've found they're surprisingly easy to forget, once I start using the Al-Anon program each day.
"The horror of that moment." the King said, "I shall never forget." "Your will, though," said the Queen, "if you don't make a memorandum of it." (Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass)

Quote/Passage 2

HFT
Steps Four and Five healed my shame. Steps Six through Eight healed my guilt. Shame is about my thoughts and feelings, my inner self. My shame says that who I am is not okay. Guilt is about my words and actions, my outer self. My guilt says that what I do is not okay. Before Al-Anon, I dragged around so much shame and guilt I couldn't imagine that these emotions ever would help me. I didn't learn healthy, consistent values. Shame and guilt were used to punish and control me. I ended up feeling ashamed and guilty about almost everything.

Al-Anon and my sponsor helped heal my shame by providing a safe atmosphere in which to share my thoughts and feelings. When I took my Fourth and Fifth Steps with my sponsor, I received the gift of having someone I trust and respect see my whole self and love me anyway. I never dreamed this would happen. The Sixth through Ninth Steps healed my guilt by giving me guidelines so I could identify my part in situations, discern my mistakes, and make amends. Now that I've admitted my mistakes and shortcomings to God, to myself, and to another human being, my normal feelings of guilt and shame guide me in Step Ten, where I continue to take personal inventory. Those uncomfortable emotions let me know that I may have said or done something contrary to the values I've developed in Al-Anon. Then I can make appropriate amends to protect my self-esteem.
Thought for the Day
Have I considered that normal feelings of shame and guilt might help my recovery instead of hinder it?
"What we do with our feelings and how we respond to them is what's important. Alateen shows me how to respond." Alateen's 4th Step Inventory, p. 32

*I love this description of the program.  Reminds me of "feelings aren't facts" a program slogan I think would be very helpful to me as I am reacting to triggers regarding Hubby watching the kids.  I think I'll post more on this tomorrow.

Gratitude List 
1) Grateful for an easy day yesterday
2) Grateful for (hopefully!!) an al anon meeting tonight
3) Grateful my fall schedule for work is coming together
4) Grateful for warm water with lemon
5) Grateful for training in behavior (helps me dramatically with being the calm and loving parent I am).

JOY - playing with my kids with nothing else on my mind.  Being in the moment with them!

5 comments:

  1. Feelings are confusing. The end.

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    Replies
    1. Yep. I am continually being reminded that they are also fleeting.

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    2. unless a pattern and then maybe something that needs to be dealt with.... yah.... confusing!! haha

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    3. unless a pattern and then maybe something that needs to be dealt with.... yah.... confusing!! haha

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    4. Yep. I am continually being reminded that they are also fleeting.

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