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Friday, August 5, 2016
Good Afternoon, World!

Gratitude List
1) Grateful for J's princess backpack.  It was a handydown and I wouldn't have chosen princesses, but she adores that backpack and stuffs it with anything she can.
2) Grateful for our double stroller - will never stop being grateful for that.
3) Grateful for our Ergobaby
4) Grateful for being strong, healthy, able to walk and play with my kids
5) Grateful for L's gigantic smile and shrieks  of happiness!

I am grateful for so many things.  Right now, I am considering making a big change in my work.  I am nervous, but prayerfully considering.  I used to be so confident in my capabilities, that I was possibly overconfident.  Possibly.  I forget that I am still capable of great things occupationally and in the home.

Joy!
1.  Nature
2.  Laughing with my kids.  Laughing over big moments and the most trivial of things.  This is a place of Joy for me.  True laughter makes me feel alive!

Quotes for Today
CTC
Resentments poisoned most of my waking hours before I found Al-Anon. I could keep a fire under a resentment for days, or years, by constantly justifying why I felt the way I did. Today, although it is important to notice my feelings, I don't have to continually rehearse and re-rehearse my grievances. It's not necessary to keep reviewing how I have been hurt, to assign blame, or to determine damages.
Ultimately, I may not resolve everything with the person in question -- though that might be pleasant if it came to pass. I just want to be rid of resentment because it prevents me from experiencing joy. I try to shift my energy to where it will do some good. I apply Steps Six and Seven because, to me, the way to let go of resentment is to turn to my Higher Power. I want to become entirely ready to have my Higher Power lift it, and I humbly ask for help.
Today's Reminder 
If I am holding a resentment, I can simply ask for relief, for peace of mind in the present moment. I will remind myself that this relief will come in God's time. Then I can grow quiet, be patient, and wait.
"No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched." George Jean Nathan

HFT
For a number of years, I worked at a job that drained me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I didn't like my job, but I didn't hate it enough to take a risk and find something better. As with every other aspect of my life, I didn't believe I deserved better. Many times the only way I got through the workday was to read Al-Anon's "Just for Today" wallet card. One line in particular always helped me: "Just for today . . . I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
Then I went to a meeting where the topic was "Just for Today." After listening carefully to fellow members' comments, I realized that if I continued to do something day after day, year after year, then essentially I was keeping it up for a lifetime! Perhaps I should be appalled by my acceptance of an unacceptable situation. Getting through temporary difficulties by reminding myself they are short-lived is not the same thing as continuing to suffer with the hopeless resignation that "this is as good as it gets."
As I searched my heart, I knew the only thing really keeping me at my job was fear. By applying the wisdom contained in a small piece of Al-Anon literature and asking my Higher Power for help, I gained the courage to change the things I could. Reciting the Serenity Prayer each step of the way, I finally let go of my old job and found employment that suited me better.
Thought for the Day
The Al-Anon tools work best when the right one is used in the right way for the right task.
"I needed to learn how to use those tools so I could put them into action." The Forum, May 2001, p. 25

Neither quotes fit me or my mode perfectly today, but both had nuggets of wisdom for me to absorb.  There was another quote as well, that spoke to me, as well.  It was all about al anon giving to you, what you put into it.  I have been getting a lot of messages lately, with a similar message.  You get out of it, what you put into it.

While there are no "musts" in Al Anon, I do believe this process is the path to recovery.  It mirrors many religious and therapeutic paths, as well.  But, I need to be ready and invested and balanced.  I have seen how too many good things at once for me is a lack of self care.  For me, I am congratulating myself for being like the tortoise.  Slow and steady wins the race.  So many times in my life, I have been like the hare.  Going full steam, getting tired and then taking a nap, sometimes to not even finish the race.  I feel that as long as I am moving forward slowly, I am ok.   I feel that is the right move for me right now.  And yet, I need to make sure I am still moving forward and not stagnant.  

Until tomorrow, my dear blog.  


1 comments:

  1. The other therapist I talked to said women tend to be more slowly yet steadily paced with recovery, like the tortoise as you put it. He said we women need to give ourselves permission to be slow and to be patient with ourselves. So you are right on track!

    ReplyDelete