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Thursday, August 4, 2016
I set an alarm this morning for 4:07am.  Instead, I woke up to a sweet voice asking, "Is it morning yet?"  I checked the phone and it's 6:08am.  It certainly is morning.  J was so patient.  I asked her to count to ten, while I slowly wake up "1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10."  Her counting stopped being consecutive at some point, but it's just so darn cute!!  L was already crawling around me and sitting up with her huge characteristic smile.  Bliss!

Anyways, my body needed some extra sleep and I am so glad that I got it.  I am notorious for turning off alarms in my sleep.  I'm so glad I did today.  I went to sleep with a headache and woke up feeling refreshed.

I've been thinking a lot about something I wrote yesterday..... that whenever I add one thing, another falls off..................  Um, of course!!!  This is kind of a "duh" statement.  Yet, when I wrote it, I was feeling out of control and inadequate.  I'm going to go ahead and correct that to myself.  "Francine, of course, when you add one thing on, something else gets neglected or falls off.  That's how life works.  You can't do everything!  It's life balancing things out for you!"  Ok.  So, that epiphany was well needed!

I also realized that I am spending an inordinate amount of time doing fun things with the kids.  Yesterday, I left the house at 7:45am and didn't return (except to drop the kids off and change into work clothes) until 8:30pm.  Today, is the same, except that I should probably get to the mechanic by 7:30am!  And before I leave, I pretty much just do my readings, journal and get the kids ready.  Today will be the same.  Tomorrow, though, I have some more options!

I'm looking forward to mixing up my schedule to accommodate my new goals!  I think it is going to be fantastic results.  I really do.

I'm adding a new section on joy for today.

Something that brings me great joy is my connection with nature.  When I was a teen, I used to sit at the beach with a journal and write and write.  These days, I look out at the mountainscape and write and write.  When I am present in nature, I use all five senses.  My therapist told me this is actually a therapy technique.  I listen to the sounds around me, I take in the sights and scents and I feel the breeze or the sun beating down on me.  It gives me perspective!

Quote #1
One source of frustration we seldom recognize is in expecting too much of others, or expecting too specifically what we feel they ought to be, say, give or do.
If I expect another person to react in a certain way to a given situation, and he or she fails to meet my expectation, have I the right to be disappointed or angry?
Every human being has his own individual drives and motivations, beyond my understanding and control. I may say: "But he knew what I expected," not realizing that it may have been precisely for this reason that he rebelled and acted otherwise.
My search for peace of mind will bear fruit much more readily if I stop expecting and relax into acceptance.
Today's Reminder
I will not set a pattern based on my own experience and wishes -- and expect someone else to live up to it. This is interference of a subtle and damaging kind; it damages my peace of mind and dignity, and those I am smothering with my expectations. "I, too, often fail to live up to the expectations of others."

Quote #2
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. Thomas Merton

Quote #3 
Neither my popularity nor my ability to please those I live and work with are legitimate measure of my worth as an individual.  I have value simply because I breathe the breath of humanity.
*I wrote about balance today, yet my daily readings focus on codependency and self worth.  By becoming someone who can respect others, I also respect myself.  When it came to hubby's dependency, there was a point where I realized that my interfering was only taking away his dignity and ability to claim his own victory.  His victory is not mine, it is his own!  He is on his own journey, just as I am on mine and that needs to be respected.  We are on interconnected journey's, but our own all the same.  The Thomas Merton quote is one I found a few months ago and it is one of my favorites.  I read it often.  It resonated with me very strongly.  I often tell my children, "I love you just the way you are."  The tricky part is showing that in my actions.  

Gratitude List
1) J
2) L
3) Hubby
4) My grey/white tuxedo kitty
5) Soft kitty fur
6) Cuddles
7) Health
8) A big reddish brown dog named Oso
9) A safe place to live
10) A nice landlord
11) A higher power
12) Forgiveness
13) Joy
14) Books!!!


  1. I have so much confusion around expectations. I would love to discuss the quotes further with you.