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Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Exciting day today!  I'm getting L's head measured.  Now, that may sound a little odd.  For a long time, I've been worried that her head shape was a little flat.  I have felt gigantic guilt on not getting it checked out professionally.  BECAUSE the main reason was financial.  That being said, I think there is a really really really good chance that she just has her papa's head shape, which is different than mine and J's.  I will be very grateful for information, regardless.

I'm also grateful to be blogging today.  And to be going to Al Anon.  I missed last week and it feels like it's been a long time since my last meeting.

Let's get to passages.

Passage 1
Until I understand the inner meaning of the Twelve Steps, my natural impulse is to resist admitting that they apply to me.
I don't want to believe I am powerless over alcohol, or that I have allowed my life to become unmanageable. Yet I know I must accept the First Step before I can make progress.
Although most of us do acknowledge a Power greater than ourselves, we are shocked at first by the idea that we need to be "restored to sanity," as the Second Step suggests. Yet an honest appraisal of many of my reactions shows me I have too often resorted to futile and childish tricks to achieve what I wanted. With my thoughts distorted by fear, despair and resentment, and my nerves overwrought, I could not think clearly nor make wise decisions.
Today's Reminder
Each of the Twelve Steps challenges me to be absolutely honest with myself. They will make me ready to accept the help of my Higher Power in restoring myself to the wholesome sanity of a mature, reasonable adult.
"The Twelve Steps will point a way to God and His infinite wisdom, by which I hope always to be guided."

*I appreciate the gentleness of this passage.  In one sentence, the writer admits using futile and childish tricks to achieve what she wanted.  In the next, she reminds herself that this was due to distortions by fear, despair and resentment.

Passage 2
In living with the disease of alcoholism, I became a fearful person who dreaded change. Although my life was full of chaos, it was familiar chaos, which gave me the feeling that I had some control over it. This was an illusion. I have learned in Al-Anon that I am powerless over alcoholism and many other things. I've also learned that change is inevitable.
I no longer have to assume that change is bad because I can look back at changes that have had a very positive effect on me, such as coming into Al-Anon.
I still have many fears, but the Al-Anon program has shown me that my Higher Power will help me walk through them. I believe that there is a Power greater than myself, and I choose to trust this Power to know exactly what I need and when I need it.
Today's Reminder
Today I can accept the changes occurring in my life and live more comfortably with them. I will trust in the God of my understanding, and my fears will diminish. I relax in this knowledge, knowing that I am always taken care of when I listen to my inner voice.
"We may wonder how we are going to get through all the stages and phases, the levels of growth and recovery . . . Knowing we are not alone often quiets our fears and helps us gain perspective." Living with Sobriety

* " I believe that there is a Power greater than myself, and I choose to trust this Power to know exactly what I need and when I need it."  Step 2 - So very powerful!

Passage 3
I forget that there are ups and downs to any journey, and I feel overcome with disappointment with my seemingly slow progress. Then my Higher Power reminds me of a history lesson i once learned, and I regain hope. 

An expedition of the Grand Canyon traveled along the Colorado River. Halfway through the canyon, the explorers encountered dangerous rapids. Some of the explorers were killed as the thrashing waters hurled them about. The others managed to get ashore where they gathered their wits to assess the situation. Although the river ahead looked choppy and menacing, some of the crew decided to forge ahead. They felt they had traveled too far to turn back. The others decided to return home on foot. The explorers who went ahead faced dangerous waters for a short period, but the remainder of their journey was safe, calm, and beautiful. Those who turned back actually faced greater dangers, and they did not survive. 

This story reminds me how valuable it is to persistently move forward in the program. When the road ahead looks threatening and I want to turn back to my old attitudes and behaviors, I remember that I'm not alone on my path. I have the wisdom of a Power greater than myself, the tools of the program, and the experience, strength, and hope of my fellow travelers in Al-Anon to support me. 

Thought for the Day
During bleak periods of my recovery, my Higher Power reminds me that the best way out is through.
"Today I will pause at a crossroad and listen for my Higher Power's voice." Courage to Change, p. 81

Passage 4 
A Parent's Handbook on Nurturing Human Growth

Each snowflake has its own pattern of crystals; each chambered nautilus has its own subtle design; each egg in the robin's nest has its own speckles and time for hatching; each leaf in the grove of trees has its own colors and unique time for fallingEach is unique, as each human being is unique.  

When we value uniqueness, we encourage self-respect by allowing self-expression.  The person can use his imagination, experiment and create.  He solves problems in his own way.  He may discover new ways of living because there is more than one right way.  Nature relies on many ways to scatter seeds - by birds, wind, rain.  The ability to imagine and create gives eternal hope to life.  

Self-respect brings respect for others and their rights.  It helps diminish selfishness and thus encourages constructive group activity.  Self-respect reinforces humannessAs the individual values himself, he can look to his inner resources rather than rely always on an external world.

**So, this is from the book our preschool provided to us.  I finally got my hi-lighter out last night and started giving it a deep reading.  And deep, it is.  This is no small booklet.  It is 150+ pages of sections like this one.  I felt like I was digging into recovery material.

This passage is along the lines of one of my favorite quotes, "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

I have been looking for resources on how to raise healthy children and am ecstatic to have stumbled upon this.  A codependent person with poor boundaries may believe that they know better than someone else.  They know the "right" way of doing something.  This approach teaches to value uniqueness and look to nature to realize that there are many ways of doing something.  My husband is on his own journey and so are my kids and so am I.  Respecting that journey, letting it unfold for them and then being gentle with my own unfolding, sounds like recovery to me!

A lot of this program also speaks about an element of faith or "intuitive feeling."  Listening to ones own intuitive voice.  Very very grateful for this resource!


  1. Wow, it seems like you found a wonderful preschool for J! That last passage really hit me.