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Saturday, September 24, 2016
Gratitude List
1) Hubby's amazing family!  They have made it clear that they love their brother, but support me 100% and I have to do what is right for the kids.  When he drank on Wednesday, I called his sister and she sent out a text for them all to pray for him.  They called him and texted him long messages of love, some anger and support. 
2) Our babysitter last night - oooh, I wish we could have this girl every night.  She was phenomenal!  A pleasure to have met her and have her watch our little girls.
3) Saturday - only have 1 client today and an open day
4) Fruitfulness - I went around the house with a big black bag yesterday (Berenstein Bears style) and moved a bunch of clutter to the garage.  It felt fantastic!  And my productivity surprised me.  Obvious fruits to my labor as I look around a simpler home. 
5) The internet and a wonderful high school friend going through the journey of life with me (my one blog reader - you know who you are!)

Passage 1 (from 9/20)
When I came to Al-Anon, I only could see how different I was. We shared many of the same problems, but I couldn't see that we were alike. I was confident and capable. They all seemed to be whiners or perfectionists.
Nevertheless, something attracted me to Al-Anon. I continued to attend regularly and to read literature every day, but I certainly didn't give anyone a call. How could "those" people help me? So I kept my distance. When I felt enough pain, I admitted I needed a sponsor's help to understand and work the Steps, but I had no one to ask. Who would be good enough for me? Or worse, what if they judged me as I had judged them?
I squirmed through the next few meetings and finally had to admit the truth. As confident and capable as I was, I was afraid to speak up and ask for help. At that moment I heard someone straining to speak. Her voice trembled as she admitted she desperately needed a sponsor but was afraid to ask anyone. She began to cry.
Another member passed a box of tissues, and as I took the box in my hands, I realized that the frightened voice was my own. After the meeting, several people came over to offer me hugs and assurance. The same people I had once looked down upon now appeared to me as angels. When I see all the different faces at my Al-Anon meetings, my heart soars with gratitude for the rich mosaic of recovery that now includes me.

Thought for the Day
How do I contribute to my own feeling of being different?
"Each of us is unique and each of us is valuable. But as long as I held myself apart from or above other people, I denied both myself and others the rich interchange that is possible. The Forum, April 1998, p. 30

*This speaks to me.  I need a sponsor.  I know I do.  But, my old therapist told me not to jump into a relationship right away.  She felt I was a good judge of character and by observing the people in the group, would have someone jump out to me.  I kind of thought that there was noone in my home group that would work.  Despite the fact that I felt that this group was extremely healthy, I knew about all the problems of these individuals.  And I would find a reason not to ask.  This message spoke to me, especially (I cringe as I write this), but the part about "who would be good enough for me?"  Part of this is arrogance, part of this stems from having a poor ending with my past sponsor, who I thought was absolutely fantastic.  I still feel uncertainty about the red flags...

Now, as I write this... there is someone who jumps out at me, actually.  She is quite old and her health isn't the best, but I love her shares and she reminds me of my grandma.  I often tear up when she talks because she reminds me so much of my grandma, and I am so grateful that she is in the group.  She has a strong base of gratitude and a wonderful positive outlook on life.  I think I will give her a call!  There is another woman who is a possibility, I've called her before in crisis.  I think it's time for me to try again.  And if I get overwhelmed and another sponsor says no to me, oh well!  At least I tried.

Ok.... Passage 2
An Al-Anon friend says, "I have a tendency to think of my experience with alcoholism as an epic, Technicolor movie, and extravaganza with my name in lights on the marquee, but it's not really like that. It’s really must home movies." From time to time I have shared my friend's exaggerated vision, though of course when I did, the name in lights was my own.
I came to this program with a story to tell that seemed to splash across every inch of a very wide screen. I told it and told it, until one day I noticed that I was sitting in a room with others, showing home movies.
Today I feel happy to be there as part of the show, but my role has changed. I am no longer the martyr, bravely sacrificing myself to the cold, cruel world of melodrama. Realism has taken over. My role is important, but not unique, and I don't expect to see it in lights.
Today's Reminder
Al-Anon has given me an opportunity to share my home movies with others. My situation is neither the best nor the worst. Although I am unique in some ways, I am more like others than I ever suspected. I will appreciate this sense of fellowship today.
". . . as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives." Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Welcome

Passage 3

Nurturing Human Growth


The single rose bush is significant in and of itself.  It gets its character from all of its parts.  The roots absorb; the trunk stores; the leaves take in and give off life sustaining elements.  The flower blooms and contains the magic for beginning the cycle again.  All the while, the sun, the earth and the water have been giving to the bush.  Some birds and insects have been taking from the bush what they need, and, in turn, will help sustain another form of life.  

Man, too, is dependent upon nature to fulfill his needs: her resources sustain his body; her gentle and awesome beauty nourish his spirit; her mysteries challenge his mind.  Man is part of the hierarchy of nature.  His responsibility is to allow the unfolding of nature through his own unfolding. 

The parts of each human being are interdependent.  All the attributes and actions are so interrelated that it is difficult to speak of them separately.  All flow into each other; and as each particle is dependent upon one another, each person is dependent upon one another.  Parents may provide children with food, love, protection; children may provide parents with love and a "reason to be." The giving and taking assumes different modes and proportions as children grow and parents grow.  An infant is totally dependent upon the parent.  As time passes, the quality and quantity of dependence shift until such time as the aged parent may become totally dependent upon the child.

Recognition of our interdependency brings significance to everyone's life.  Respect for oneself and the rights of others becomes evident.  Appreciation for each person's contribution encourages everyone to take responsibility for himself, for others, for the whole.

Each person is needed and needing - needed to give, needing to receive.  This deepens the meaning of life.  

*  Appreciating others as part of a system, valuing what our children bring to us, realizing what our giving provides to others, understanding that our taking is part of the process, as well.  Love the comparison to nature, as we, too, are part of God's creation.




  1. God bless you in finding a new sponsor! It's a blessing that you have choices.