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Tuesday, September 27, 2016
J is sleeping in this morning and I had some sweet quality time with my little L.  Some perfectly sweet quality time with L. 

Hubby chose to drink and sleep in the garage last night and it was so odd having the house to myself.  The girls also slept better last night and I feel 1) like a part of me is missing and 2) refreshed, independent, ready to act for me. 

I get enmeshed so easily! 


Passage 1
ODAT
An early Al-Anon member once said:
"I tried to manage my husband's life, although not even able to manage my own. I wanted to get inside his brain and turn the screws in what I thought was the right direction. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my job. I just wasn't equipped for it. None of us are. So I began to turn the screws in my own head in the right direction. This has taught me a little more about managing my own life." 


Today's Reminder
If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don't want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them? Am I now the kind of person I really want to be? An honest effort to manage my own life will open many doors to me that my distorted thinking had kept closed.
"If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?" Thomas A'Kempis




Passage 2
CTC
"If only I had infinite wisdom," I secretly think. "If only I could see everything before me, a clear path, the knowledge of how I must spend each moment of life!" But in meeting after meeting in Al-Anon I am reminded that I can only work with what I have today. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. What's more, I am probably better of not knowing. If I knew what was coming, Is suspect that I would spend all my time trying to run form painful experiences instead of living. I would miss out on so much great stuff.
I can trust my Higher Power to lead me through this day so that I will be prepared for the future when it arrives and able to work with whatever it brings. This leaves me time to enjoy the many gifts life has to offer, time that would otherwise be spent worrying.
Today's Reminder
An old maxim says, It'll shine when it shines." If I am willing to listen, I will receive all the information I need when the time is right. "Just for Today" I will know that I'm in good hands.
"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once." Just for Today


**I think sometimes that Just for Today is too long.  Perhaps, just for this hour, just for these next ten minutes. Just for 10 seconds.  A common al anon phrase has something to do with "I can do anything for 12 hours."  And that can be a helpful mindset, although is, of course, not a long term solution. 


Passage 3
CTC
When I first came to Al-Anon, I thought that anger, resentment, jealousy, and fear were "bad" feelings. The program has helped me to learn that feelings are neither good nor bad -- they are simply a part of who I am.
 

I have come to realize that good has sometimes come as a result of those feelings. Anger has prompted some constructive changes in my life. Resentment has made me so uncomfortable that I've had to learn to combat it -- as a result, I have learned to pray for other people. Jealousy has taught me to keep my mouth shut when I know I will say only irrational, destructive things. And fear has been perhaps my greatest gift, because it forces me to make conscious contact with my Higher Power.
 

Now that the negative has become the positive, I am better able to accept the whole picture. There is no more need to judge or hate myself just because I experience a human feeling. 

Today's Reminder
Feelings may not be comfortable, but that doesn't make them bad. With a change of attitude, I have choices about what to do with my feelings. Anything can be used for my good if I allow it. Recognizing this opportunity may take every ounce of imagination I have, but maybe that's why God gave me imagination to begin with.
"My feelings are neither right nor wrong but are important by virtue of being mine." . . . In All Our Affairs


** This one is being added to my favorite passages!  I love this so much and would like to memorize some of these statements to repeat in times of need.

I am feeling some discomfort today.  I set some strong boundaries.  They are being followed and I'm experiencing some growing pains.  Last night, J was so upset with the new sitter that she threw up.  Hubby was home, but in the garage.  He did not come in to help without my go ahead.  He was texting me while I was at work, but I didn't see it until a little later.  By that point, he had bought some alcohol.  But, again.... he followed the new boundaries and stayed in the garage.  It was peaceful, but sad.  I feel joy filled and content, but I also feel sad.  Hubby is not popping back to health the way I had hoped, but I know he is under God's care.  I certainly am as well.  And I have more responsibility and more independence.  There is more I could write.  I'm feeling fear for him and some sadness.  But, not staying in that place, just letting them wash over me.  I love that quote, "Fear has been perhaps my greatest gift, because it forces me to make conscious contact with my higher power."

1 comments:

  1. The closing quote in Passage 1 reminds me of something a church youth leader told me: water meets its own level. I've struggled so much with that. Something you said helped: unhealthy doesn't attract healthy. It wasn't about me being a bad person as I thought, but an unknowingly unhealthy one.

    Passage 2: I agree that sometimes it's "just for 10 seconds!"

    Passage 3: "There is no more need to judge or hate myself just because I experience a human feeling." LOVE this! I need to remind myself of this 100x a day.

    "Anything can be used for my good if I allow it." This reminds me of something Dr. Moore has told us often in class: no matter what happens in your life, you always have the choice to grow from it. No one can take that away from you.

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