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Friday, September 30, 2016
Love this!

The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered.
- Robert Fulgum

I have a mini migraine today, so let's just jump into passages.  Ok ok.  quickie update - great Bible Study last night.  I read the passage to the ladies about feelings and it was a huge hit.  Especially because one precious woman was honest enough to reveal her breakdown the day before and how she was ashamed of how it made her feel.  So sad that we do that to ourselves. Oh and then I hugged her and my too big pants kind of went down and I was embarrassed.  I think I'll live.  But, yes!  That happened!

Also, I'm really wanting to talk to my little brother in law.  Hubby's family sent him some angry messages after they found out he regressed and it made me feel like I should talk with him.

ANYWAYS...... passages.  I haven't read it yet, but saw behavior change in the first sentence and it made me excited.

Passage 1
Just for today I can try out new behavior. I can take the point of view that perhaps I have been given a lifetime to learn something about myself. Maybe life is a series of experiments in which some succeed and some fail -- and in which the failures, as well as the successes, point the way to fresh experiments. 

Just for today I might try slightly changing some pattern of behavior that repeatedly causes me problems, just to see what happens. For example, if I have a habit of responding with a negative attitude to a particular person or situation -- getting out of bed, working, requests for help, authority figures -- I can try a different, more positive response. I can think of it as research and learn from whatever happens. 

This day is all I have to work with. The past is over, and tomorrow is out of my reach. I will try to remember what a great gift this day can be and make full use of it.

Today's Reminder
Just for today I will look for ways to enjoy life -- stop by a garden, try a new hobby, or call a good friend. I can look for humor. I can savor love. I can explore something new. Maybe just for today, I'll try standing on my head to see if I like the view.
"Just for today I will find a little time to relax and to realize what life is and can be; time to think about God and get a better perspective on myself." Alcoholism, the Family Disease

**What a fun perspective!

Passage 2

Once there was a man whose beloved wife was transformed from the charming girl he had married, into a sodden drunkard. She suffered from a disease called alcoholism, although neither of them knew it.

 He was always angry and frustrated because he couldn't make her stop drinking. The more he tried, the worse she felt about it, and the more she drank. She was full of guilt and self-reproach because she left everything to him. He had to get the children ready for school, do the shopping, cook meals and clean house.

Then one day somebody told him about Al-Anon. Although he knew his case was hopeless, he thought he'd try it anyway. As he read, and asked questions and listened at meetings, he found he could get some perspective on his problems. When he learned his wife had a disease, compulsive drinking, he stopped blaming himself for not being able to control her. He realized the children resented him because he was often cross and unreasonable, and that they loved mama because she never scolded and they knew instinctively she was sick. He began to consider his own needs, for rest, quiet and a bit of recreation, and arranged to have a housekeeper take over the home chores. He made many changes, but especially in his attitude toward the alcoholic.
After a spell of rebellion and resistance, she saw that she would have to get help.
One day she asked him to take her to an AA meeting.

**Loving detachment.  When hubby was spiraling, I cried tears over my beloved husband who had transformed.  This is what this disease and many others do.  We are lucky that in alcoholism, the individuals can and often do make a return.  Bipolar - we have medication for, that helps the individual return.  For many other illnesses, this is not the case.

Passage 3

I was ready to confront my alcoholic father. I wanted to let him know that I remembered every detail of all the times in my childhood when he hurt me. That way he could apologize to me and I would be healed. However, he refused to talk about it. He said it was water over the dam! I was furious. How could those wrongs be righted if he didn’t admit them and tell me he was sorry? 

By applying the tools of the Al-Anon program, I slowly tried to accept the thing I could not change -- my father’s refusal to apologize -- and to change the thing I could -- my attitude toward the situation. Learning more about alcoholism as a disease taught me that my father wasn’t a bad person. He was a person with a disease that made him do bad things. Practicing "Live and Let Live” and keeping the focus on myself taught me to attend to my own behavior.. I needed to make sure I wasn’t practicing the very behaviors that had caused me so much anguish. By seeking my part in the hurt I felt, I learned that my hold on the pain of the injury, not the injury itself, was what I could do something about.

Eventually I realized I didn’t need my father’s apology in order to get better. I could move on by praying to lose my resentments and to replace them with forgiveness.

Thought for the Day
Forgiveness is something I do with my Higher Power’s help, and I do it for me. I don’t need anyone’s apology to being my healing process.
“By releasing resentment, I set myself free.” Courage to Change, p. 289


  1. Great quotes! Besides your highlights, this line stood out to me: "I don’t need anyone’s apology to being my healing process." Sorry about your embarrassing moment!