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Thursday, October 13, 2016
I am so grateful to be in this cute home with these adorable joyful little children!  The bright blue walls, covered in artwork..... the chalk board room that is screaming with character...........our little backyard, filled with tree stumps great for hopping on.  It is chilly this morning in the home... it feels like Autumn. 

Feeling extremely grateful. 

For some reason, I'm not in the mood to share it right now.  But, I'll get it out there..... I got a sponsor!  YAY!  I was extremely nervous.  I had decided to give it to God and just announce at the meeting that I needed a sponsor.  An old timer came over to me at break and asked how I was doing.  I told him I was nervous and I told him why.  He asked if anyone's story or temperament resonated with me.  I told him that I'd been trying and just didn't know.  He told me it can be difficult for someone like me because I have a lot of knowledge and can make myself look really good (truth!), but I need someone who is healthy enough who can see through it all.  Yup!  That's me!!!  Anyways.... he recommended a longstanding member of the group. He said, "C might help you."  He said, "She's one of the most stable in the group and I think would be a good fit for you."  I didn't want to ask her.  I really didn't.  But, I was going into this with trust mode.  Leave it to higher power mode.  I was nervous and scared.  I don't do many things that make me nervous.  This woman has a similar story to mine.  Her husband was a sex addict too.  She didn't share a lot, but I guess she also didn't use the  meetings to just let it all out because she can do that with her sponsor.  She shared a long time ago that she had managed her husband's business, after he passed away, meticulously.  She kept the books perfectly and when the inspector came, said it was the cleanest place he had ever visited.  Well...........this pretty much had made me not want to go with her.  These are the things I feel the most shame about not being able to do well.  She is also our group rep.  Her term is over and she has been eyeing me as a possible replacement.  I don't feel up to committing for 3 years.  But, anyways..... I think she is a good choice.  I asked her.  She was very flattered and said yes.  It felt wonderful and during the actual asking, my nerves disappeared.  She doesn't have a strict way of doing sponsorship and I wonder if there had been some enmeshment with my previous sponsor.  I look forward to learning a lot and completing my steps. 

Also, just so interesting because it makes sense that she would be a good choice for me.  She is a leader, has a similar history, established in her program.... but, I was attracted to people who were less far along (so, of course, I could look better and feel better about myself.)  Epiphanies  and progress - my favorite things!! 


Passage 1
CTC
Al-Anon meetings opened my eyes to something I had never thought about before: Shouting and slamming doors were not the best way to handle an already difficult situation. While there may be no harm in occasionally letting off steam with a raised voice, shouting can become a destructive habit. I’d never thought to ask myself if this was how I wanted to behave. Did this behaviour get me what I wanted or encourage me to feel good about myself?

When I took a good look, I realized that the answer to this questions was, “No.” Loud, angry words and actions demonstrated my frustration and pushed away all hope for peaceful solutions to my problems. 

The slogan that helps me back to a rational state of mind is “Easy does it.” When I use this slogan to quiet myself on the inside, it is easier to quiet the outside as well. 

Today’s Reminder
I am seeking a saner approach to everything I encounter. The slogans can be valuable sources of sanity in chaotic situations. Today, if I am tempted to act out of anger or frustration, I will remember that “Easy does it.”
“I will try to apply “Easy Does It” t every incident that might increase the tension and cause an explosion.“ One Day at a Time in Al-Anon




Passage 2
ODAT
We come together in an Al-Anon group for the purpose of sharing experience, strength and hope with each other. This we do by attending meetings, discussing, listening, counseling, and telephoning each other for comfort and renewal of confidence.

It is wonderful to know that this close communication, this keeping in touch, is not limited to the members of a single group; it embraces the whole world! This message came to the United States from the publication of the Al-Anon groups of South Africa:

 TODAY’S REMINDER
“Learn to face things as they come, and when they come, with calm deliberation. We may not be able to control events, but we can control our attitudes toward them.”
This clear message from a faraway continent will inspire Al-Anon people everywhere in their search for serenity. It demonstrates how closely akin we are in our loving fellowship.

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind….for we are members one of another.” - Ephesians


 **A quote for my favorites page.  I hope I can teach L and J to "face things as they come, and when they come, with calm deliberation."  I actually think I may put this one in my office. 





Passage 3:

HFT
“One Day at a Time” seems so simple, yet it is the most challenging slogan for me. I often worry about tomorrow. I don’t worry so much about how other people will react to me. Instead, I worry about how I’ll handle myself in a given situation. Will I have the courage to stand up for my beliefs, my rights, or my needs?
 

Step Eleven encourages me to seek my Higher Power’s will for me and the power to carry it out. The essence of knowing my Higher Power’s will for me in the context of living one day at a time means I’ll know the right thoughts, feelings, words, and actions at any given moment. Having the power to carry it out means I will be provided with those qualities needed – willingness, courage, patience, etc. – to transform the knowledge into action at any given moment.
The real test come when I was faced with a frightening situation in a courtroom. I didn’t know what to say, but my Higher Power did. I turned my fears over and asked for the right words, and they were supplied. I survived the ordeal because I trusted that my Higher Power would give me what I needed when I needed it.

Thought for the Day
My Higher Power already has the answers to all the questions or needs I’ll ever have. To ask is to open the door and let the answers into my awareness.
“We can rest assured that the answers, choices, actions, and thoughts we need will come to us when the time is right because we have placed them in the hands of our Higher Power.” How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics, p. 76

1 comments:

  1. Hooray for finding a sponsor and the way it came about! "During the actual asking, my nerves disappeared." To me, this is a good sign that something is right. And I also think it's good to have someone who can see through stuff. That's something that makes me lean toward our relationship being healthy. You are 100 percent supportive and encouraging without being enabling. I can trust that you will always be honest and gentle with me.

    “Learn to face things as they come, and when they come, with calm deliberation." I like this one as well.

    The last passage is so true! I believe it so much, yet have trouble believing it applies to me, and then my doubts prevent me from receiving or recognizing the divine help I need.

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