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Tuesday, October 25, 2016
It is so easy for my mind to get stuck on unhealthy things.  There is a motto (you know I love my motto's), "Get Busy, Get Better."

And busy I shall be. 

But before I get busy today, with adventurous things such as exploring our beautiful nature center, library, park, etc.  I'm going to spend some time getting my head on right.  Hubby drank last night.  He drank and slept in the garage, but he came in briefly and I saw him.  I hadn't seen him like that for awhile.  And even though, I had the house to myself this morning and last night, I had all these wonderful tools at my disposal.  My mind keeps hurting for him.  It's so darn sad!  I guess it's ok to be sad for him.  Deep breath. Naming the emotion helps, I think. 

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So, here's my emotions quotes..........

1st - Daniel Tiger, of course.  "It's ok to be sad sometimes..... but, you'll feel better again!"

2nd - Feelings may not be comfortable, but that doesn't make them bad. With a change of attitude, I have choices about what to do with my feelings. Anything can be used for my good if I allow it. Recognizing this opportunity may take every ounce of imagination I have, but maybe that's why God gave me imagination to begin with. 

"My feelings are neither right nor wrong but are important by virtue of being mine." . . . In All Our Affairs


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And today's passages:

PASSAGE 1 - boundaries, easy does it
ODAT
People often marvel when they see the Al-Anon program bring about changes in the lives of those who practice it. This is its secret: that it is built on the fundamental ethical philosophy which has been known throughout the ages. It is stated in such widely different books as the Bible and the fables of Aesop.

To deal gently with our fellowman is suggested in Galatians: “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness…”

The same thought appears in the fable of the wind and the sun, who challenged one another as to which could first remove the cloak of a passing traveler. As the wind blew hard and cold, the man wrapped the cloak tightly around him; then, the sun shone, and its warmth made the man take off his cloak.

TODAY’S REMINDER
In Al-Anon, this same thought is repeated in many ways that point out that we can do nothing by force or compulsion. I will remind myself not to be too determined in my judgment and actions.
“Kindness is the mightiest force in the world.”

 

**This made me think of boundaries as kindness to yourself and the other person.  I appreciate this viewpoint.




PASSAGE 2 - hope
HFT
"Wow!" That word expresses such wonder, excitement, surprise, and humility. It's a word I use often, yet I pay little attention to its meaning or power. for example, this morning when I awoke, the sun was shining brightly, the sky was a deep and cloudless blue, and the autumn trees radiated gold, bronze, and copper Without thinking about it, my first reaction was to exclaim, "Wow!" 

I was struck by the fact that I had nothing to do with creating such a beautiful morning. That meant I probably had no effect on the rainy or snowy mornings, either. In fact, weather was one of the many things completely out of my control. This perception relieved me of responsibility for the weather, sunny or cloudy, and reminded me of the many things in life over which i have no control. I can only let go and let them be. I felt grateful for this reminder, and I began to count my other blessings as well. My job was simply to enjoy the morning and be grateful for the experience of beauty. The day was off to a great start.

Now I take more notice of the "wow" moments in my life. I acknowledge my feelings, such as the gratitude, joy, and humility that come from appreciating something I didn't affect or create. For each person or event that crosses my path today, I thank my Higher Power. I accept that I don't have to work hard for this day's delights because they are a gift from my Higher Power. All I need to do is pay attention and enjoy my honest emotions as the day progresses. 

Thought for the Day
I take time to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.
"When I gather flowers, or marvel at nature's wonders, I do not lose face when I concede that I am not in control." Courage to Change, p. 283
 
 **This resonates so much with me!!  What a wonderful passage. Going outside has helped me develop perspective when my mind is turbulent, like nothing else.







PASSAGE 3

CTC
One of my defects of character is to make choices passively – letting things happen rather than taking action. For example, I stood by and watched my children suffer abuse because I was unable to make a decision. and follow through with it. I had been severely affected by alcoholism, and I was not capable of doing otherwise at the time. It was the best I could do under the circumstances, but harm was done, and I owed amends.

One way to make amends is to stop practicing the defect. In every are of my life I can ask myself: Am I taking responsibility for my choices today? Do I make a positive contribution to my meetings, or do I assume that somebody else will take care of everything? Am I making choices I can be proud of at home, at work and in my community or letting the choices be made for me?

Today’s Reminder
Al-anon has no opinion on outside issues. It doesn’t define my responsibilities or select my values – that is up to me. It does encourage me to define my values, to take responsibility for choices I am already making, and to make amends where I have done harm. I need not think of myself as a victim of unseen forces that make disasters happen. Today I can make active choices.
“Making amends isn’t just saying, “I’m sorry.” It means responding differently from our new understanding.“ As We Understood


So...... this one hits hard.  My dad is an awesome guy!  He separated from my mom years ago, but never left our family.  He is there for every Birthday, every holiday.  He is funny and loving!  He had a great job and provided for our family well.  He also was a functioning alcoholic (I believe, in retrospect).  I also believe that this is why I am with Oscar.  His addiction didn't start until years after we were together (for alcohol, at least), but I didn't notice many signs because they were normal to me.  So.....

"I stood by and watched my children suffer abuse because I was unable to make a decision and follow through with it.......It was the best I could do under the circumstances, but harm was done."

Well, this is where I feel I am.  No, Hubby is not "abusing" the kids.  He is wonderful.... much like my dad. 
Except, I would call him a barely functioning alcoholic, instead of a functioning one.  To our kids, he is a hero.  And because he has such a high paying job, can be a big part of their lives. 

But, these patterns, the secrets, the things I saw as normal were perpetuated because my mom stayed and chose not to "out" my dad.  I understand why she did.  I loved having a family that was together..... But, I also didn't know how to recognize someone who was unhealthy.

In the meeting I am in right now, there are a lot of old timers.  They started in the program because of a spouse and are now in the program because of a child.  This is unsettling.

My sweet children are already genetically predisposed to bipolar from Hubby's side (only 10% chance) and alcoholism on both sides.  I don't think they need the secretive/compartamentalization modeled for them.  If Hubby were in program, I would know that he is showing up and will see change eventually, but................. as is.

We just get Mr. Amazing with spurts of unhealthiness.  Argh! 

My kids have been interrupting me and this moment, J is telling me she loves me, sitting in my lap, kissing my typing hand and snuggling.  My house has been momentarily destroyed with markers, crayons, paper, plastic balls and hangers.  Yet.............. I am so grateful that I chose to write these feelings out and read these inspirational passages.  

Just what I needed this morning.  

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