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Monday, November 7, 2016
Hello world!

I do love writing in the morning.  I think I condensed my autobiography to two pages last night.  I had to play around with the formatting a little bit to do it, but my sponsor didn't say that wasn't allowed.  Haha!

I am tired of working on the thing!  The biggest issue that came up was "me failing" "me messing up" "me not being able to figure this stuff out."  That's when the waterworks started happening.  I liked the Blueprint for Progress much better.

Good thing, I've got a higher power to lean on, right?  And good thing it was impossible for me to be perfect, anyways.  It's not impossible for me to be more on top of things and I've made some real strides. But, I still have a distance to go. 

One thing I can do is make a list.

Considering, it is the thing that makes me cry the most in my autobiography, I am worth the time it takes to make a list.  And I am worth the energy to improve this area of weakness.  I know how to do it, I need to lean on higher power to create the discipline to follow through.  I need to prioritize. 

And I need to give myself props for taking the steps I already have.  I have done some great things so far. 


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Ok, let's do these passages before my children revolt. 

PASSAGE 1 - program tools, codependency

HFT
I had a habit of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. After discussing this matter with a friend, I was given an exercise to practice.

When someone says something to me and I have a strong reaction - wanting to cry, wanting to rage, or thinking I am inferior - I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked "Same old, same old" or "My will". The other is marked "New and different" or "God's will." On seeing these two doors, I imagine opening and viewing what I would normally say or do in this situation. Then I close my door and open God's.

By the time I have done all of this, I've given myself several moments between initial comment and my impulsive reaction. This gives me time to practice the slogan "Think" and to choose a healthier response. I've not had a single regret-filled incident since I began to practice this self-restraint. Ironically, most times what's behind God's door is absolutely nothing. What a message! Could this possibly mean that other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't have to make it mine by reacting to it?

Thought for the Day
Practicing detachment before I react allows me to maintain self-esteem by choosing my response.
"We need to recognize our own reactions. Then we can decide whether we want to continue reacting in the same old ways, or if maybe we want to try something new". Courage to Be Me, p. 123


**I am favoriting this passage!  What an excellent technique.  "Would this possibly mean that other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't make it mine by reacting to it"  LOVE THIS!  Nothing changes if nothing changes.






PASSAGE 2
CTC
Alcoholism is a family disease. It affects not only the drinker but those of us who care about him or her as well. For some of us, much of the thinking that has been passed down from generation to generation has been distorted.

By my presence in Al-Anon, I have committed myself to breaking these unhealthy patterns. As I continue to attend meetings, I begin to heal, to find sanity and peace, and to feel much better about myself. I am no longer playing my old role in the alcoholic system, and so the entire family situation begins to change. Ironically, when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery.

Today’s Reminder
One person’s recovery can have a powerful impact on the whole family. When I take care of myself, I may be doing more than I realize to help loved ones who suffer from this family disease.
“If one person gets well, the whole family situation improves.“ Living with Sobriety



 **Now that Hubby is doing his 90 meetings in 90 days, I am having to use program tools like crazy to not get involved.  I am trying not to ask any questions, but having difficulty focusing on me and not obsessing.  I haven't asked any questions about the meetings, but have asked two questions about whether he is going and I am taking him.  Today, I will take it to higher power.  I will give Hubby the freedom to work his own program and do me the honor of working on myself.  I will use this as an opportunity to get closer to my higher power. 





PASSAGE 3
ODAT
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God…” says Step Eleven. This gives me the assurance that my conscious contact with Him depends entirely on me, on my desire for it. This great power is mine, constantly near and available for me to use.

TODAY’s REMINDER
I will remind myself very day how much depends on my being aware of God’s influence on my life. 

 I will accept His help in everything I do. Without such surrender to a superior wisdom, my life would be at the mercy of forces I cannot control.
 

Meditation will bring me closer to God and to the divine qualities in my fellow men who are also His children. Prayer will turn my thoughts away from my problems. As I meditate and pray, I am letting go of them and learning that their solution does not depend on me alone.
 

“God is present in all His creatures, but all are not equally aware of His presence.”

4 comments:

  1. Yes, you have done a lot of great things so far! What is the Blueprint for Progress? What kind of list are you talking about making?

    Passage 1 is totally an example of mindfulness.

    Passage 2 is so true. In that regard, I kind of feel a lot of pressure. No one else is interested in getting healthy, so if I want a healthier home for me and my kids, it's all on me to break the cycle. Maybe hubby will eventually follow suit.

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  2. Blueprint for progress is the Step 4 book for Al Anon that I took pictures of.

    The list (sigh) are things that I feel tremendous shame about not having together. For example, I don't have L's birth certificate. Even just writing that, tears well up. YET, what an easy fix, right? When I got sick during the pregnancy and quit my job and then moved to my moms and then back, everything got disorganized. And although I've checked off a lot of things on the list, there are still more. I don't have life insurance. That is something that weighs on me EVERY day. It is reckless. My financial papers and taxes aren't together for work. There are more. But.... these things are a big part of my insecurities, so I just need to do them. And some are hard and some are easy. Getting the easy ones done is a good start.

    As for your comments on passage 2, I could see that. I really think the fact that you have sought help is just such a fantastic example. And that you have a safe place for yourself and are working on your issues and improving your boundaries. Your boundaries with your parents, your boundaries with your husband and your boundaries with your kids. Just seeing you try, MAN that is amazing!! And they won't do perfect either and you will be there to tell them what this experience was like for you. When things are difficult for them, you can chime in and tell them you've been there. You are truly an amazing mom and individual. For some reason, I see power and hope that I can change things even if my husband can't. Because, I have some control, I guess. And although control can be misused, we all need to feel like we can make a difference.

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  3. It might not make sense why I don't work on all these very important things. I think it has to do with Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis. I get so overwhelmed with shame. It's easier just to sweep it away and pretend, even if it doesn't totally work.

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  4. Thank you for the explanations. Your encouragement made me feel warm and fuzzy. I totally get perfectionism, procrastination, paralysis!

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