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Wednesday, November 9, 2016
There are those who come to AI-Anon weighed down by a unbearable problem. They expect that it can be solved by human means alone, but they soon learn that the help they get is provided by human beings acting as channels for the love and wisdom of a Higher Power.

Perhaps they have never had the security and comfort of a living faith; often they have lost what faith they once had because of misfortunes that have befallen them. They may feel that God has been cruel and unfair, that He is not concerned with r them and their burdens. Some, in utter despair, actually think they are not worthy of God's care.

Today's Reminder
Divine help is always near and available to me-if! am willing to accept it. Active consciousness, at all times, of "not my will, but Thine, be done" will work out every difficulty.
"Short arm needs man to reach to Heaven, So ready is Heaven to stoop to him." (Francis Thompson: Grace of the Way)

We humans are wonderfully adaptable. We find creative solutions to impossible situations. One coping skill that some of us develop is manipulating other people in order to get what we want. Alcoholism can create such a threatening environment that manipulation seems necessary.

Today, with the help of Al-Anon, we are learning to do more than merely survive, and such manipulation becomes unnecessary and unacceptable.

 In Al-Anon we learn healthier ways to meet our own needs and to behave toward others.
Manipulation had been a normal part of my life for so long that I forgot how to have a discussion or make a straightforward request. If I wanted someone to do the dishes, I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted, or that I could accept my request being turned down! But I'm learning. A day at a time I'm learning.

Today's Reminder
Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception.
"We choose to behave with personal integrity, not because it will make someone else feel better, but because it reflects a way of living that enriches and heals us. … In All Our Affairs

**I resonate wholeheartedly with the last reminder.  And as for manipulation, it is how my mother operates.  I don't even know if she realizes it.  I can see a lot of that in myself too.  It's easier to see it in my mom first, for some reason and then realize that I have done it too.  I also realize it most, when I try not to do it.  Something my mom does is ask, "Do you want to do ______ instead?" If she wants you to.....  I notice sometimes I do this too, but noticed it first in her.  I can then be intentional about speaking clearly.

I grew up affected by someone else's drinking. I seldom knew what was good for me, yet I knew what was best for others and didn't hesitate to tell them. I didn't know what I enjoyed doing for fun, but I could tell you what activities the alcoholic enjoyed. I feared other people's anger and would do anything to avoid it, yet I was oblivious to my own. Whatever was wrong with my life on any given day, I always knew it was someone else's fault.

Then I came to AI-Anon and began to work the Steps. Step Four helped me set aside what others had done to me so I could see my own wrongs. My Fourth Step "spoiled" my resentments. It's not that I no longer have them. Rather, I can no longer harbor resentment and remain ignorant of my part in creating it.

I truly began to change by working through the rest of the Steps, asking God to remove my shortcomings, making amends, continuing to take personal inventory, and asking my Higher Power to direct my thoughts and actions. These changes gave birth to a new person, the person God intended me to be. My entire life transformed as a result of taking responsibility for myself, becoming willing to change, and taking the action I needed to recover. Now I know what I enjoy doing for fun. I've ceased blaming others, and I have a message of hope to carry to other individuals. I continue to work these precious Steps to see myself change and to become closer to 
 God and those I love.

Thought for Day
If I were to draw "before" and "after" pictures related to my AI-Anon experience, what would they look like?
"Looking back and remembering what I was like. . . makes me realize how grateful I am to the program."
Alateen-a day at a time, p. 366

**A lot that I can relate to in this.  "These changes gave birth to a new person, the person God intended me to be."  Love that!!  Also, the first paragraph reminds me of what happened in my marriage without me even knowing it.  This was behavior Hubby started drinking, too. 


  1. Totally guilty of manipulation. I can relate to the last highlighted post as well.