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Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Living with an alcoholic brings with it special problems that take many forms. If it is the drinker’s erratic behavior, social embarrassment, and other relatively minor problems, it is but a short step, in Al-Anon, to peace of mind for the non-alcoholic.

In others, the family may be deprived of the very necessities of life, and face cruelty, violence, police action, loss of home and need for public assistance.

 Indignant at such sufferings, some of us in Al-Anon may feel it right and helpful to advise drastic action. We should always keep in mind, however, that if the person we mean to help makes a decision In hysteria or desperation, it is likely to be the wrong one.

Even in cases that seem hopeless to me, I will refrain from making judgments or giving advice. If I can persuade a desperate wife or husband to try, for even a little while, to understand and use the Al-Anon program, the resulting change in attitude could help to make the right solutions possible.
“God grant that I may never urge anyone to take any action but the constructive one of employing Al-Anon ideas.”


Sometimes a horse refuses to obey the rider’s command and races out of control. My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem. Riding lessons have taught me not to continually repeat a command louder, but to stop the horse, get his attention, and begin again.

Likewise, when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.

Later I may want to think about the problem again in a more serene way with the help of an Al-Anon friend or sponsor. When I put some distance between myself and obsessive thinking, I can better look at my situation without losing all control.

Today’s Reminder
Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find a solution. My racing thoughts may be making so much noise that I can’t hear the guidance my inner voice is offering. Quieting the noise is a skill I can learn with practice. At first I may have to still my thoughts again and again, but in Al-Anon I learn that practice makes progress, one minute, one thought at a time.
“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.“ Blaise Pascal

Often I am too defiant to hear my family members' feelings directly from them, but if I listen carefully, I can hear their voices at my meetings. I hear my mom when members share about the anguish of being a wife and mother in an alcoholic home. Then I realize how strong my mom was and how hard she tried. I become less judgmental when I realize how little I know about the difficulties inherent in loving an alcoholic husband.

Recently I told my mom that if I could pick a new mother, I would ask God to give me her again.
I hear my father at least once a week in open AA meetings.
Through hearing these sober members share about the person behind the bottle, I finally love my daddy. He continues to drink and does not call himself an alcoholic anymore. He says it was just a phase, and I don't argue. I've decided I'm not going to miss out on learning to love and forgive him just because he isn't living the way I want.

Thought for the Day
Listening to others' stories--other mothers, other fathers, and other children-can give me a compassionate perspective on my own struggles and those of my entire family.
"Hearing AA members helps us to understand the alcoholic. Listening to Al-Anon speakers gives us an idea of the non-alcoholic's feelings. And, we can share with them what it feels like to be children of alcoholics. Keeping the lines of communication open helps us understand each other." Alateen-a day at a time, p. 169

And at this moment, I am feeling overwhelmed.  I feel like my "best" is a rationalization and is just not good enough. 

I know there will be more moments today.  Moments of joy.  I know that the things I feel most horrible about will pass. 

Robert Frost once said,“The best way out is always through.”

The best way out is always through.

One more time for my obstinate self.....

The best way out is always through.

I did a quick google and found some encouragement.

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.

**I started to hilight the first line (which I love!) and then realized that I love the whole passage. 

In her blog post (link above) she lists 8 things to remember when "everything goes wrong."  She has paragraphs after each, I'm just going to list the eight.

1.  Pain is part of growing.
2.  Everything in life is temporary.
3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.
4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength (don't entirely agree)
5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.
6.  Other people's negativity is not your problem.
7.  What's meant to be will eventually be.
8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going. 

I do feel much better, after that!

Yesterday, we had a fantastic fantastic Halloween!  J painted my face as a kitty cat, Hubby dressed up as a chicken and the girls were a cow and sheep.  Early in the day, we carved another pumpkin, later in the day, we roasted the seeds. 

J wanted to stop trick or treating half way through so she could come home and eat candy.  L was obsessed with the lollipops.  It was a day to be grateful for!  And a beautiful one, weather wise as well. 

It was so much fun! 

Few minutes later, J is up.  We are excited about Christmas and Thanksgiving.  I love Thanksgiving and this year it is taking on all new meaning.  And................................... the feelings of failure have passed.


Until later, my dear blog!


  1. So much good stuff today! I absolutely loved passage 2! That's usually my biggest struggle. "The best way out is always through." Totally what my therapist would say. It's hard to accept that sometimes. Those eight things are so true and helpful to remember. I didn't read her post, but maybe what she meant about scars is that it shows that you let the wound heal instead of letting it stay open or kill you.