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Wednesday, November 16, 2016
So, I haven't compiled anything on powerlessness or done my first step on alcohol, yet.  It's 6:30am and I have 5.5 hours until the sitter comes.  That sounds like a good amount of time, I think.  I have a LOT to do though, so will use it wisely. And I won't get everything done, but that will be ok.   

Last night, I finished some things I had been putting off for work and it felt fantastic!  I think getting more organized for work will make me feel more competent.  I also want to get a babysitter binder together.  This is something I have started to do and never really completed.  It's time.

Relationship wise, I had a great talk with Hubby last night.  He attended two meetings (or says he did - have to talk to my sponsor about trust issues with this boundary), and then didn't come home.  I guess he came home and decided to go to the garage, but didn't tell me.  I completely fell into old behaviors, but God worked it for the greater good.  And, really, I think there is a pull between husband and wife which is natural and needs to be addressed.  We are still married.  Loving detachment does not mean, I don't know where he is or if he is going to come home, right?  And we can do boundaries on this.

So, we ended up talking on the phone.  He was crying.  He felt a tremendous amount of shame.  And said he stays in the garage because he doesn't feel worthy to come in (so sad!).  He also didn't sound like he had been drinking (and I have fine tuned, in a very obsessive way, the different tones of his drinking voice).  I was able to communicate to him that when he doesn't come home, I assume he is drinking and he can completely fix that by just coming in and telling me he will stay out there or calling.  We will see what happens.  I was impressed with his vulnerability and our talk was excellent.  We stayed up super late on the phone.  It is very difficult for him that I'm scared of him.  And he sees it when he touches me unexpectedly or acts a certain way and although he understands it, he hates that I don't trust him.  I was again, so impressed, that he didn't blame me or try to gaslight me in any way or form. 

We have been lacking emotional intimacy.  And we are both on eggshells around each other, at times.  This was sooo great!  I do love that man and am proud of him.  He has such difficult things he is trying to break through, but he assured me that he really does want to try.  He said people at the meetings told him that 90 in 90 doesn't necessarily mean one a day, you can skip a day and do two in another.  That makes sense, but I didn't know that was his plan and while I WANT to take one day at a time, I was ready to start moving out because it seemed like he had stopped going.  I think I'm going to modify my boundaries to include communication.  I will talk to my sponsor about it.  Not today, because we only have a half hour.

That being said..... moving on to passages.


PASSAGE 1 - Let go and let God, program tools, step 1
CTC
For a long time I tried to let go and let God, but I couldn't seem to do it. I needed to find a concrete way to let go. I heard someone share at a meeting that she pictured her loved one on a beautiful ocean beach, basking in the light of a Higher Power.

AI-Anon has taught me to take what I like and leave the rest. I couldn't relate to the beach scene, but I did find comfort in the general idea. Once again, the experience, strength, and hope of another AI-Anon member led me to find my own, personalized answer. I now envision wrapping my loved ones in the kind of blanket that I think they'd like-a down comforter, an army blanket, a patchwork quilt-and gently handing them to my Higher Power. I find it important to be very specific. After all, my fears and worries are specific.

With a clear picture of my loved ones in my Higher Power's care, I am much more able truly to let go and let God.

Today's Reminder
When I'm anxious about other people, I need my Higher Power's help. Fighting with fear often strengthens its hold over me, but turning my loved ones over to God can free us all.
"'Let Go and Let God'. . . teaches us to release problems that trouble and confuse us because we are not able to solve them by ourselves. " This Is Al-Anon


**I absolutely love the idea of creating a unique and individual picture of my loved ones being taken care of by God, it makes it so much more real.  I am going to use this technique!  So grateful to have found it.  I hope to use it in many situations, with many different people.  My first thought was Hubby and then my mom and then my friends. 




PASSAGE 2
HFT
I recently went on holiday in another country and was vividly reminded that my Higher Power works on other continents as well as in my hometown.

Before I left, I went through a period of mild anxiety. This was the first time I would be traveling alone since I had become handicapped many years earlier. I felt apprehensive about traveling by myself to another land where I wouldn't know anyone. So I attended extra meetings, discussed my fears, and practiced "Let Go and Let God." At the vacation resort, the tile floors presented me with a challenge because I walk with the help of two arm-crutches.

Everything went fairly well until two days into my trip when I slipped on the tile in my room and fell quite hard. I was alone at the time and felt vulnerable with no one there to help me.

After a few minutes of crying to my Higher Power that I wanted to go home, I went into "Al-Anon mode." I recited the Serenity Prayer, scooted myself over to the sink to pull myself up, and called the resort's management office. Within five minutes, a nurse was at my door. She helped me calm down and then made a doctor's appointment for me. She even accompanied me to the doctor and waited while I was treated. After that she called me each day, even on her day off, to make sure I was feeling better.

Thanks to the Al-Anon tools and to my Higher Power's care, I was able to continue my vacation joyfully, free of physical pain, and full of gratitude for the warmth of a stranger who soon became my friend.

Thought for the Day
The Higher Power and the Al-Anon tools: Never leave home without them!
"This wonderful adventure called life in Al-Anon is always taking me to new places. . .
" The Forum, August 1998, p. 4





PASSAGE 3 - loving detachment
ODAT
"It's all very well to tell us to detach our minds from the problems we're living with, but how do you do it?" asks an Al-Anon member. It isn't easy, when we're embroiled in all kinds of trouble day after day, with one decision after another to make, and only a confused mind to make them with!" 

There must be some small bit of time during the day when we can lift our thoughts out of the swamp of confusion, if only to express a few words and think of their meaning: Let Go and Let God; Live and Let Live; Easy Does It.

Today's Reminder
I know that constant dwelling on my troubles lessens my ability to see them dearly and make wise decisions. I will not complicate the present by reviewing the past; nor will I dread what may happen tomorrow. One way to make detachment easier is to eliminate the past and future from my thoughts.
 

"He who frees himself of hampering regrets for the past and worry about what lies ahead finds himself able to deal with the present."

**I like this advice.  Knowing that God is going to give you that answer and dwelling it on yourself will only make things more confused.  I feel like this is another one on how to "Let go and let God"


En Espanol.....


Estoy agradecido por...

1) Las montanas hermosas
2) Nubes blancas que fluye


El √©xito y el fracaso son dos impostores.   Success and failure are two impostors.
Jorge Luis Borges
 

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad you had a good talk with the hubby! We're working on that too. What do you put in your babysitter binder?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I still haven't finished the babysitter binder. We have so many new babysitters, I'd love to put the specifics of each routine in there, along with, of course, safety information, etc.

    ReplyDelete