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Friday, November 11, 2016
So, I spent yesterday trying to be super reflective on my control over other people's behavior.  I think I tried to be a bit too real in my lifegroup (where I already felt natural) and upset a social balance.  It wasn't a big deal.  Probably, a "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" type scenario.  I know it will be ok, though.  That's what happens when you try new things.... you get to try again.  I did get to practice at the playground and with a new babysitter and that went well. Interesting.

Anyways.... so so grateful for a new day.  My sister is buying us family photos as an early Christmas present.  We are taking Christmas photos today and my sister is coming up... so that will be a joy!

Familiar phrases often fall on deaf ears; even when we listen thoughtfully, we may not analyze their deeper meaning because we're so used to hearing them.
One evening a new member, explaining her problem, several times used the phrase: "It just makes me sick." The idea she meant to convey was "unbearable" or "frustrating." But another member, who took it literally, said:

"I was impressed with Jane's saying that certain occurrences make her sick. I've noticed that when I react too emotionally to a situation, even an unjustified verbal attack, it really can make me sick, with actual physical symptoms. Al-Anon has taught me to keep my own well-being in mind; I try not to let myself feel involved when the storm clouds of tension and temper appear. This is healthy thinking the Al-Anon way."

Today's Reminder
I will close my mind to what I hear and see when it tempts me to quarrel or resent. I will receive anger with gentleness to guard my peace of mind.
"It takes time to transform good resolutions into good habits, but it's worth the effort.

**"I will receive anger with gentleness to guard my peace of mind."I like this a lot.

Insanity has been defined as doing something the same way over and over again and expecting different results. In the past I tried to control people, places, and things, believing that my way was the correct way. I knew my track record-my way, based on insisting upon my will, did not work. Yet I kept trying. It was an insane way to live.

Step Three, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him," was a turning point for me in relinquishing control. It meant choosing between an insane life and a sane one-my will or God's will.
Since my will had let me down time and time again, the real question was how long would I continue running around in the same circles before I was willing to admit defeat and turn to a source of genuine help?

Today's Reminder
I may find it easy to point to the alcoholic's irrational or self-destructive choices. It is harder to admit that my own behavior has not always been sane. Today I can let go of insisting upon my will.
With this simple decision I make a commitment to sanity.
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end." As we Understood. . .

** I am so so hesitant to look back at my very "together" self and realize how clueless I was.  It's uncomfortable.  I used to do it all the time.  But, I think I've wanted to start pretending like that time was great again (despite what I now know about it).  I now know it was not great.  But, I STILL feel the need to gloss over details.

While working my Al-Anon program for many years as an adult child of an alcoholic, I have had many spiritual awakenings. Usually they are tiny awarenesses. Perhaps I see someone's annoying behavior, including my own, in a more compassionate light. Maybe I respond differently to an ongoing challenge in my life.

Once I did have a dramatic spiritual awakening, however. I was in great despair due to a profound loss and I was praying intently to know God's will. One night during this winter of the heart, my Higher Power took me on a journey through my life. I'm a very visual person and my Higher Power knows this. In a seamless stream of images that I felt as well as saw, She showed me all the difficult times I had been through-the losses, hardships, and abuses. At the same time, She let me know deep in my heart that I had never been in mortal danger, although I had felt like I was many times. I saw and felt heart the great love, compassion, and protection with which my Higher Power carries me through every moment of my life. In seeing how She had cared so thoroughly for me in the past, I knew without doubt and with deep humility She would continue to do so in the future.

The memory of that intense experience has faded somewhat, but the truth of it has permeated my life. Even during times of heavy fear and doubt, a part of me knows that these are just feelings and that my Higher Power is steadfastly watching over me as always.

Thought for the Day
"I needn't fear the challenges of the future, because I know that today, with the guidance of my Higher Power and with the strength and knowledge I have gained from Al-Anon, I am capable of facing anything life brings me." Courage to Change, p. 332


  1. Loved this: "Since my will had let me down time and time again, the real question was how long would I continue running around in the same circles before I was willing to admit defeat and turn to a source of genuine help?"

    Can't wait to see the family photos!