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Friday, January 6, 2017
I went to my first al anon meeting since coming down here and it felt good.

Different, but good.

It was a speaker meeting and a few things jumped out at me.
-  "The problem is the person looking back at you in the mirror."
-  "I never try to talk badly about anyone if they aren't there to defend themselves."

The problem is me.  The problem is me.  The problem is me.

And not in a self deprecating way, but in a way that leads to healing.  I've spent time playing the victim down here.  Feeling the victim.  I think it's part of healing, I don't know if I've been playing it up intentionally, but I've been NOT happy with how this is working out, just trying to survive and I've kind of been in a bad place.

I kind of feel like the kids have lost both their parents, because I don't even know who I am anymore.  I guess that's an opportunity for growth, right???

Feeling pretty broken.  But, that could also be good, right?

Regardless................. uncharted territory.  Grateful that my mom watched the kids while I got to a meeting.  YAY!!  And hopefully I can find a home meeting soon.  


  1. I can totally relate to this post. Hugs and prayers, my dearest friend!