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Thursday, March 16, 2017
Well, yesterday was yesterday.  :)  Had an absolutely amazing time at the farm with family and the kids.  I spent the first 3/4 of the day trying to eat food to actually nourish my body.  And, instead of just bringing snacks and food for the kids, I actually brought food for me and my sister in law.  This was of significance, because we usually bring lots of snacks and drinks for the kids and nothing for ourselves!!!

Anyways, the night did not end so productively.  I let my serenity be affected by those around me.  In other news, Hubby is finally seeing a therapist!  YAY!  And one that specialized in bipolar.  He saw TWO therapists last week, which is pretty cool.  Not just pretty cool, but pretty inspiring.  It reminds me what I have to do be doing!  I created a google doc for him to record when he takes his medication (since haphazard texting is nice, but stressful for me) and he is using it now.  I created one for myself too and.............yah, accountability!!

I am so so so aware of my weaknesses, in this position in my life.  And I got enveloped in that feeling last night.  And just got lost into fantasy or googling celebrities and binge eating.  I don't think there is an aa group for mindless googling.  But, I want to remove my shame on that.  When I don't want to deal with life, I...........

A.  Want to blame someone else (codependency)
B.  Want to eat (even if I'm not hungry)
C.  Want to watch mindless shows on tv or google interviews from celebrities I enjoy watching.

It is difficult to write that.  I want to write that in a spirit of acceptance rather than defeat.  I am not a perfect person.  I don't even WANT to be perfect, cognitively.  I know that doesn't exist.  What I do want is to accept my imperfections with joy and perspective.

Anyways............ I type this while the kiddos are playing next to me in the bath.  And this bath is already getting long.........  So, on to passages.  :)

ODAT - Acceptance, Surrender, Step 3
Acceptance and surrender are the two attitudes that open all doors to us in the Al-Anon way of living. Yet they are the most difficult for many of us to acquire. No matter how badly we think life has beaten us, we still play cling to the idea that acceptance and surrender are a kind of hopeless giving-in, a weakness of character. Not so! Acceptance means simply admitting there are things we cannot change. Accepting them puts an end to our futile struggles and frees our thought and energy to work on things that can be changed. Surrender means relinquishing our self-will and accepting God's will and His help.

Today's Reminder
I do not have to accept the continuous misery that goes with alcoholism. I will not surrender to the vagaries and machinations of the alcoholic. No one can distort my thinking unless I permit it.
"God help me to accept the responsibility for finding a better way of life through surrendering to You and Your guidance.

****To acceptance and surrender!!  The battle I journaled about today.  


  1. I love the first line of that passage! So true that it's simple yet difficult. There should be an AA for mindless internet browsing/social media stalking. Totally guilty! Good job remembering snacks for you!