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Sunday, April 23, 2017
I was given some information the other day......

Something to the gist of you don't have to wait to be the woman you want to be.  You don't have to wait until you have enough money or the right support or the right education.......... you can start being the type of person you want to be TODAY.

Obviously, it was a motivational message.  

It got me thinking.  Who do I want to be today?  What do I need to do to be a person I am proud of?

My immediate reaction is that I'd like to to have a good paying career that allows me to be with my kids.  I think I have tunnel vision.

There are so so so so so so many more things that I want to be than that.




I want to be kind.  I want to be generous.  I want to be someone who takes care of herself, who rolls with the punches.  I want to be a good friend.  I want to be a nurturing mama.  

And there are other things to that I would like.  Things involving home cooked meals, less media time, more organization.  But, I can start that today.  I am up at 1:30am because I have a tutoring client in CHINA.  After going back and forth on the idea for a long time, I am up and running.

I was very worried about it, actually.   Last night, I got home at 6:30pm.  I had run a 5k, driven, probably 4 hours to the 5k and then to a family get together (opposite directions) and I'd been awake since 1am the previous morning.  But, at 7pm, I had a tutoring client.  And then at 7:30pm I had one too.  My longest stretch to sleep was from 8:00pm-10:45pm.  And tomorrow, we have a hike planned and we are visiting Papa, so another 4 hours of driving.  It sounded like too much.

Well, it's going surprisingly well.  I have half hour to 1.5 hour stretches throughout the morning to sleep and I seem to be able to sleep.  And I'm not having to prep much for these sessions.  So, I'm just waking up, straightening my hair and putting on my headset, pretty much.  I've also had a few no shows.  So far, so good.  

I'm also a little concerned because I'm booked to 6am and my kids are going to wake up.  And I don't think I really thought that through.  Who knows..... maybe they will sleep.  We did run a 5k yesterday.  
ANYWAYS.................... I'm going on and on.  I'm waiting out a no show right now and then another 45 minutes of sleep.  I may just have to schedule some naps in during the day, that's all.  Very very grateful for the work.  And 4 more minutes.  I think I'm going to work on my "being the woman I want to be" goals on another document.  

Carpe Diem 
Saturday, April 22, 2017
So....................

I was talking to a single mama who is getting her Masters and rocking two direct sales programs (and meeting bonuses).  I told her she seems like a super star...... or rock star........ or all star........ or something like that.  And she does!  And she said something like, "You seem like something of a rock star yourself."   Hmmmmm.

That had NOT occurred to me.

I had to pause and think about that a little bit.

Because...........

I used to think I was a rock star/superstar/allstar.  But, at some point, I had decided I wasn't anymore.  I would guess it was sometime back in January or February when I realized I wasn't finding work and just couldn't seem to stay focused on a certain trajectory.

I forgot that................ I used to consider myself someone who "made things happen."

And then I tried (and for a very short period) and nothing happened.

I also realized that I carry shame about my situation.

I carry shame about my decision, despite the fact that I think I'm doing the "right" thing for me.  Sooooo interesting, this mind of mine.

I need to drop that shame.  Claim what I am doing.  The hard thing for my family, the right thing for my family, the best I can possibly be.  And just....................... do!
Friday, April 7, 2017
Gratitude

1)  Sisters as best friends
2)  New things
3)  Strawberry picking
4)  Easter
5)  Crafts
6)  Organization
7)  Washing machine
8) Cold mornings
9)  A backyard
10)  Glitter
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
J woke up at 9pm today and said, "My body is well rested.  It doesn't need anymore rest."  So she is up with me while I write this.

Grateful for:

1.  Sponsors
2.  Wildflowers
3.  Play dates
4.  Tangerines
5.  Gardening
6.  Health
7.  Joy
8.  Joking with my daughter, J
9.  balloons
10.  sparkling water.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Wanted to pop in with a quick gratitude list

1) Yoga
2) Pet snails (Snaily and Laila)
3) Science experiments
4) Comfy cozy beds
5) Floss
6) Artistic expression
7) Social media
8) Chocolate Milk
9) Babies
10) Community 
Monday, April 3, 2017
ODAT
The Al-Anon program really works because it helps us to get away from ourselves. When we think constantly about our grievances and the "faults" of the alcoholic, our minds are too confused to accept new ideas.
I will drop this fruitless worrying and concentrate on strengthening myself to accept each day along with whatever it brings. With my mind and my emotions refreshed and cool by working one of the Twelve Steps for a slogan ("Let go and let God," for example) I will be better able to see my difficulties in their correct perspective.
Today's Reminder
As I become less self-centered, I will have stronger defenses against being hurt by slights and injustices. Minor crises will not loom large because I will not allow myself to magnify them out of proportion in their importance.
"I pray that I may grow in my ability to use each day with poise, wisdom and a touch of humor. With God's help, I can teach myself not to turn little troubles into big ones."