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Friday, June 23, 2017
My mom went to the movies tonight and it's so nice having the house to myself.

Something about having someone else here, prevents me from feeling entirely like me.  And having my mom, who is often judgmental here, prevents it even more so.  That being said.  I am very aware that this is my issue.

But, all the same.  I sit in my mom's elegant living room and am able to be present.  The house is clean for the night, the kiddos dreaming away.  I hear the fan and feel the warmth of my body.  I choose to wear a sweatshirt and ear warmers, despite the heat.  I feel.............. invigorated.

Just a few hours of "me" time.  If only I could recreate this at will.  Perhaps I can.  The trick is to do it when not alone.

Moving on, then.

The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth. It takes a commitment to honesty to admit that someone we love has a drinking problem, that alcoholism and many other things are beyond our control, that there is a source of help greater than ourselves, and that we need the care of that Higher Power.
Honesty allows us to look at ourselves, to share our discoveries with God and others, to admit that we need spiritual help in moving forward, and to free ourselves by making amends for past wrongs.
We need to be truthful with ourselves as we continue to review our attitudes and actions each day. This allows us to be humble enough to reach out to others as equals, and to continue to grow in every area of our lives. Where do we find the courage to be so honest with ourselves? The courage to change the things we can in our continuously-developing relationship with a Power greater than ourselves.
Today's Reminder
I know that honesty is an essential part of the Twelve Steps. I am willing to be more honest with myself today.
"Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?" Marcus Tullius Cicero

Wow!  This was so powerful.  God, grant me the courage to be honest with myself.  I feel like that has a lot to do with hearing our inner voice too.  Honest. Open. Willing.  We can not hear or trust our inner voice, unless we are open to being honest with ourselves and courageous enough to be so.  The courage to admit that we are powerless, that we have messed up, that we are not even close to our perfect self is step 1.  I can NOT.  Yet, we still don't like saying it or admitting it.  

I have often asked myself why I don't seem to be able to have a quick turn around from this.  Why didn't I just find another job right away or get my own place?  I think it's to help me with Step 1.  HP knows that I don't like to be honest about my inabilities.  Yet, how can I progress without owning them?  I can't let go and let God if I won't let go.  

And I do want to let go and let God.   

Ok.... again.  That was powerful.  


  1. Two things: 1) This stuck out to me: "reach out to others as equals," and 2) we have opposite problems. I have no problem saying I can't. In fact, I believe it 200 percent. My struggle is saying I can. I have zero confidence in my abilities, what little I have. Glad you got some alone time!