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Monday, June 5, 2017
ODAT
"Nobody," said an Al-Anon member, "seems to give us credit for the courage it takes to live with an alcoholic." 

Of course it takes courage, just as it takes courage to face life under any circumstances.

We need courage to believe that no situation is hopeless, to keep cheerful when we have cause for despair, to resist the impulse to complain to others about our sorry lot. It takes a lot of courage to resist the temptation to take over the alcoholic's responsibilities, until we accept the fact that we are only hindering his recovery by doing so.

Above all, it takes courage not to appear courageous as so many do, hoping for sympathy from relatives, friends and neighbors. "Poor brave little woman" may be food for the self-pitying ego, but it weakens character and destroys dignity.

Today's Reminder 
Do I lack the confidence and the courage to do the things that will improve my situation? Am I afraid to let go of another person's obligations? Can I refrain from doing what can only hinder improvement? I may not have the necessary strength and confidence, but I can find them by turning to God and asking for His guidance. 
"Prayers for courage and guidance never go unanswered. But I must be ready to act on that guidance."

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Yah......  When Hubby had a rough day yesterday, I experienced confidence in myself and clarity in my own life.  His disorder affirmed my calm.

That is something I need to recognize in myself.  In one way, I think this is super natural.  I made a big decision based on his disorder, that's been tough for me, and then I rarely see that side of him.  It makes sense that it would affirm my big decision.  In another, I feel that I may be seeing an unhealthy side of myself.  I wish my mom's disorder affirmed my calm.  Yet, everything is under the surface with her............ murky, at the root of my life long issues.  

Regardless, living with my mom has been more difficult than living with Hubby.  And I see this despite the drama with hubby.  And I haven't faced it with the courage that I wish I had.  I took an experience and have made it worse than it needed to be.  I haven't remained joyful and cheerful in the face of despair.  In some sort of way, I have.  In others, I have felt hopeless and despondent.  This three days of space has given me so much opportunity to explore this.  It hasn't been that long.  Yet, it has felt like the longest 6 months of my life.  It has been long enough for my confidence to go into hiding.

And I'm rambling.  But, I'm going to keep this stream of consciousness going.  I don't feel the need to complain to others on the outside.  I complain on my inside, at times, in wonder.  How did this happen?  In the clarity of the morning, it doesn't appear so horrible.  But, i typically feel like the dregs of society.  The lowest of the low..... a parasite.  With my mom gone, I just feel like me......... not working for a stretch after separating from my husband.... no big deal.

I love the strong words about "acting courageous" and inviting pity.  This is a character flaw that I truly appreciate al anon pointed out so frequently.  I don't want to be like this.  I don't know that I invite it willingly, but people naturally want to paint you as such.  I hate pity and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me.  I think this is an attitude that makes me want to isolate and not share my story.

And lastly, prayer.....  "Prayers for guidance never go unanswered. But i must be ready to act on that guidance."  I must be ready to act on that guidance.  A I ready????  I think I am today.  Trust God for 5 minutes.  I can do this!!  Maybe some meditation is needed. 

1 comments:

  1. I agree that cheer and hope take lots of courage. I can understand not wanting pity or unworthy admiration. Yet don't confuse that with true compassion and love. Every person in every situation deserves those.

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