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Monday, July 10, 2017
Strengthening my Recovery - July 10th 

Codependence

"As adult children from various families, we focus on ourselves for the surest results.  We gradually free ourselves from codependent or addictive relationships."  BRB p.60

Before we entered recovery, it seemed like our relationships were codependent or addictive.  It's what we were used to; it's what we grew up with.  If anyone wanted something different from us, we were uncomfortable because we didn't really understand what that "something" was.  We could keep up the act for a short time, but the walls eventually went up.  We had no role models for healthy give and take.  

As we learn to focus on ourselves in ACA, at first it seems awkward.  Most of us are not used to taking care of ourselves emotionally.  Gradually we begin to see that we can walk away from those who still abuse us and we feel a sense of freedom that's new, because we don't feel guilty.  

We gather strength from those who have come before us in the program.  We hear how they have faced difficult changes with faith and trust in their Higher Power and those they share their journey with.  We see the promises of this program being fulfilled in others, and we now have the courage to ask for the guidance that's available.  

On this day I release my codependent and addictive relationships in favor of those based on mutual respect.  I will learn a new "dance" that fills me with life.  

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There is so much truth here for me.  I love the GRADUALLY freeing ourselves from codependent or addictive relationships.  It respects the process and also hilights my process, which has been extremely gradual.

I want to be a role model for healthy give and take with O and we are working on it.  I still want to tell him what to do, but there are many many many things I can control in myself.

1) Not correct O's parenting in front of the kids ever (unless it's an emergency).

2) Support his parenting decisions in the moment (and talk it over later, unless it's a huge huge deal).  No signs of disrespect, including facial expressions, if I disagree with the route.  Be kind, compassionate.  And realize that I may know the kids better because I'm with them all the time.  He can't be expected to with just a few hours a day.  And that would be the same if he was working full time.  That's no reason to be cruel about it.  :(

3) Follow my intuition.  And if things are not comfortable, make a plan to do it differently next time, instead of get unregulated or stressed out.

1 comments:

  1. This part really resonated with me: "It's what we were used to; it's what we grew up with. If anyone wanted something different from us, we were uncomfortable because we didn't really understand what that "something" was. We could keep up the act for a short time, but the walls eventually went up. We had no role models for healthy give and take." It explains why things happened the way they did instead of they I had hoped. Your goals are great even for married couples. I need to work on those as well.

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